Don't you hate it when...

You have an entire post written out that you spent like an hour on and now it's just gone?

I was going to have here a bit about how I'm learning how to shoot a bow and arrow, how busy work was, how cute and getting better at training my dog is, how I carried a backpack full of weights to and from work today, and other stuff.

But it all got deleted.

So here's a picture of my dog.

Another blog post?!

What's this? I'm posting regularly? Is the world about to end??

Sorry. Had to. I feel pretty accomplished for continuing this. You see, I have this big plan that I'm working on that I'm not even going to share until it's gotten to the point where I'm certain it'll work. That'll be in what, six months? I'll probably throw in some hints here and there as time goes on but I'm so scared of it not working out that I've only shared it with a few people and these are people who I've been bouncing ideas off of.

So let's move on to the topic of things you actually do get to hear about.

Twitter story update: so far our main character is exploring an opening in the cavern she woke up mysteriously inside. And we've learned her name! Tune in for more story time!

Also, what's going on with my facebook page? I'm not entirely sure what to center it on and I came up with a great story idea a bit ago so now there's a story bit on the page and I don't know what to do next. Do I continue the story? Do I keep posting random things because who knows what's going on? 

That's stuff I'll work on figuring out eventually.

Moving on we have my snowman. 

Remember that etsy project I was talking about? Well here's a picture of the first attempt. Yes I used orange thread. Bare with me. I knew it wasn't going to be the very best so I used the thread I use the least. I have some white thread and bleachy white felt for the version going on sale. I'll hopefully have the finished product up and selling by the new year. I'm really excited for this and I hope it will be the start to many a joyous etsy pieces.

I'm still looking for my lion and teddy bear patterns. When I find them I can guarantee they will also be made available. But that won't be until after the new year.

Speaking of which! Budgeting is hard. I'm trying to figure out my funds situation for 2016 considering I want to save as much as possible for my proyecto de sombra (which I guess is now what I'm calling the mystery project.) I also want to pay off all my student loans within that year. Guess how hard that is? Like $200/month hard. But I have faith that I can do it. Which is why if I'm not making a certain amount by, say, March, I'll get a second job. My key to 2016 is saving.

Obviously that's helped by the fact that I got a little raise. It's my first ever traditional job raise and it made me so happy.

The other key to 2016? Learning. I have so many things I want to learn. Right now I'm just trying to get the basics of everything but I'll probably share bits and pieces as I go along.

Studying is important because I'm eventually going to college. Eventually of course means when I can qualify as an independent on my fafsa. And choose a school. And decide between chemistry or biology or just do biochem and whether I want psychology as a minor or a major. It's a tough choice.

In the meantime I'm going to get a psychologist. This will be to help me with my anxiety and depression as well as to help me plan for my future, the proyecto de sombra, and my studies.

Before I head out let me leave you with this:

What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.

...
-Alexandria

The Facebook Story in question.

Christmas and Minnesota

Well, I think I'll just move around the pictures on my computer, though that makes future posts kind of difficult. Although I guess if I have internet to post than technically I have internet to move things around. So huzzah?

Anywho, merry Christmas. For me this is a pretty chill holiday now. I spent the day at home with my dog for the most part. I got some gifts from my folks when I visited Minnesota.

Oh yeah. Guess what? I VISITED MINNESOTA! I missed it so much. I went along for the ride to drive someone down and I'm so glad I did. I got to see some friends including my two best friends who I haven't seen for 1-2 years. Lots of smash bros were had.

I got my permit before the trip which means of course I drove part of the way back up. Everything was pretty great even with the small mishap with black ice. I'm actually pretty glad that happened because I feel I needed to experience that so I'm prepared better later.

I got city driving and highway driving. My top speed was about 72 mph. I much preferred the hundred or two miles that weren't in cities. But I'll work on that.

Fawkes came along for the ride. The cats didn't like him too much. They were like "what is this strange non-aquatic sniffly barky thing?"

He seemed to enjoy the ride. He napped for a good portion.

His training is also going well. He's a little more responsive to "drop it" thank goodness. And his food bowl manners have improved.

He's learning "bed" and "wait" fairly well.

There are some things I wish he'd improve faster on. Namely barking.

He's a little more responsive to quiet than he used to be, so that's good, but it would be nice if he didn't start barking any time someone in the house moves.

But I know these things require patience and if there's one tip I took to heart, it's don't get frustrated. If you get frustrated then they do and it's sad. So when I've gotten frustrated I've taken deep breaths, told him to sit, rewarded him, and decided whether or not to continue from my mental state there.

The reason I tell him to sit is because I feel like it would be weird to give him a command he doesn't know and then just leave him hanging. And I know he knows sit, so he will sit (and has sat every time) so it helps both him and me out.

Oh, by the way, I'm still doing the twitter story. In fact, I'm at 7 tweets worth of material as per this posting. The plan is to do five tweets a week but we all know how things go with me sometimes.

When we reach the end of my story I'll edit it into something hopefully awesome and publish it.

I really ought to update my website soon. I think I might change the web address as well. Maybe to AlexandriaWolf? We'll see when I get to that point. I'll want to do it sooner rather than later, though.

Speaking of Wolves I got this neat wolf calendar for 2016. I'm so pumped for the new year!!

Hm, last thing of note is I'm attempting etsy stuff. Right now I'm trying to see how difficult it is to make a cloth snowman. I'll report back when I have a picture of my first attempt.

Stay Awesome!
-Alexandria

Machetes, Puppies, and Snow! Oh my!

Good morning to all of my friends and readers. Even though I don't post much I just want to mention that I have posted more this year than in 2014. I see this as a grand improvement which I think will continue to improve with time. At least it will if my plans work out the way I want. Ha.

You know, amusingly enough, my boss told me that one of my best qualities is consistency. The irony is not lost on me. (The other one was attitude. Apparently I keep my cool quite well and such.)

Anyways. I'm using the app on my phone to post so I don't know how pictures will come through. This concerns me but hopefully it will look okay. I hope they don't just all sit at the bottom. I'd like to move them where they ought to go. The first picture would be a picture of Fawkes. If you'll remember last post, I applied to adopt a dog. Well, I was accepted and I named him Fawkes thanks to a suggestion by my mother.

This hyper little pit/terrier mix is a sweetheart. He loves people. Maybe a little too much. While he doesn't chew on cords he does bark and jump. Just so you know, the addage "it's easier to teach a dog to do something than to not do something" is completely true. Teaching him not to bark is incredibly difficult. Teaching him not to jump is also difficult. Teaching him "quiet" is hard. Teaching him "off" is much less difficult.

But he is quite teachable. He knows sit very well. He's learning lie down and how to wait for his food bowl. He's learning how to take treats more gently. He's started to catch on to what "drop it" means. And he almost always comes when I say "come here" or give a shrill whistle.

He gets a little excited about things like food and people which is a big distraction but all in all he's doing well. He's helped me so much in terms of my mental health. And our bond is pretty good too. So good, in fact, that I'll be looking into registering him as an emotional support animal (which means you can't be discriminated against for rent because you need this dog) and then perhaps later training him to be a service dog for my anxiety and depression. It would be nice to have him help me realize when I'm picking or nudge me when I start to fall into the darker depths of my brain or come up for hugs towards the beginning stages of an anxiety attack.

I love this dog.

More news. No college for awhile. I've decided it is in my best interests to wait until I don't have to rely on anyone else's information for my FAFSA. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't study. In fact, another reason I want to wait is because my study habits have dropped and I'm not used to classes and the like. So I've been studying a little bit at a time this past week.

I'm studying biology, chemistry, psychology, and anatomy. These are big components of my neuroscience goal.

In other news, and this is where I wish I could move pictures into places on this app, I got a super awesome Christmas gift. It's shiny, it's sharp, and I like it a lot.

Speaking of pictures I want to move into place... check out outside! It's wintery and cold and snow is everywhere! No idea if the picture I took is even attached.

Found it. Can't figure out how to move it.

 Edit: Moved on computer. XD

So last on the list of things I wanted to mention is my line cook job. It's going really well. Though slow season feels more difficult than the busy season. I'm still not sure why.

Anyways, have a wonderful day.
-Alexandria

What is HBJ? My twitter story.

Starting today and until the story is finished, you'll be seeing tweets like this a little more often.

She opened her eyes and screamed. This was not her room. She lay on a bed of stones in a cold, dark cavern...Still in PJ's #StoryTweet #HBJ1

— Alexandria (@AlexandriaMWolf) November 20, 2015

 The story will come out in a series of tweets. How many and when really will depend on a lot of factors like how often I come up with something to add and whether or not my feed has already been spammed with stuff.

Now, I don't expect the story to be my best work but I don't expect it to turn out too terrible. In fact, my goal is to eventually take the entire series of tweets and edit them into a full-length story. Just to confuse people I decided to use the hashtag #HBJ1 which, for those of you that know my projects, is the acronym for Hannah-Belle's Journey which is going to be a short series that is a work in progress.

I'll use that acronym for this story but I don't think the acronym is actually going to signify anything about the title when I get there. I am pantsing this story - meaning that no thought as to what will happen next is going to be written down anywhere.

You all know I like planning, but in this case we're going to leave it open-ended. Let's see where I can go with this.

Moving! Life Changes! New Dog?

So my life has been pretty weird lately. And by weird I mean great changes have happened. And by lately I mean, well, you'll see.

So firstly, for those of you who don't know already, I did not end up making it to school. FAFSA got turned in, but information oddness made things weird and I was not going to deal with all of the stuff, especially considering deadlines were... pretty much already upon me.

However, I do plan on applying for college next fall. Starting over from scratch.

Secondly, I have a job. I had two jobs, but the first one did not work out on either side and 6:30am is not worth $8.15/hr. So the other job, the one that's still around, that is a line cook job. That's right, I managed to not people. I have bad social anxiety and peopling is not my thing. So huzzah.

However, my need for variety has kicked in and so I'm looking around for a second job. Preferably one that pays at least $10/hr. Two jobs I should have applied for over two weeks ago have already been filled, so now I'm just searching for the right opportunity. I am ready now.

Next, my fiance and I ended our engagement. This is a sad moment in my life, however I am happy that instead we are friends. And not in that "let's stay friends but never talk" kind of way. We actually still hang out and chat.

Oh, also, about a month before that point I ended up moving out of the apartment I shared with said awesome guy.

I now live in a room in a house with other people. Scary. But fun. It provides me a lot of freedom as well as an odd responsibility. This is the first time I've ever been truly "on my own." Maybe sometime I'll make a post about freedom or being on my own but that time is not now.

Now is the time to go into something a little more interesting.

SURPRISE! I'm a dog person.

Yes. Cats are cute and cuddly and I would adore one as a pet. (And if Simba {Cat} magically didn't have a "must pee to mark territory even though I've already been fixed so this is definitely attitude" problem, he would have a furever home. Here. With me.)

In order to have a pet here at the house I have to pay a little more rent each month but it's worth it for the great gift that pets are for your mental sanity.

So I went to the local humane society and walked around all the dogs. I saw ones that I liked and seemed to like me back in those brief instances and I would ask questions. I took a large, black dog out for a walk... and ended up having a housemate hold the leash because the dog was stronger. I was a little sad because I would've loved to help an older dog but we didn't gel in the room together either.

After walking the dog we were asked if we wanted to walk another. Behind the door was this cute little face jumping up and down in a kennel. It had the markings I tend to enjoy and reminded me of a pit, but smaller and skinnier.

So we walked that dog.

It turns out, this dog and I get along great. For the next week and a half I visited every couple days, bonding with and trying to understand the dog. I attempted to teach him how to sit. I walked him a couple times.

And today? On the 9th of November I, Alex, put in an adoption application for this adorable middle sized pup. If I get accepted it will be my first ever dog that I will own.

(For concerned parties: I have dog-sat multiple dogs before in multiple homes, not to mention my grandfather would always have dogs. This is all to say - I'm not going into this blind. Thankfully.)

I'm pretty excited. I'm also pretty scared. But I made my decision and I think it will be good for me and the pup. Now if I could only decide on a good name. Right now it's between Wonder and Focus. I plan to take obedience classes with this dog so I can learn how to dog properly and hopefully find a way to help him learn what my anxiety signs are too so he can give me a hand when I'm having an attack or start picking or some such. That will of course be further down the road but I'm hopeful.

I'm excited for daily walks, playtime, naps, and everything good that comes with a dog. I'm also prepared for all the things that could happen on the other end of the spectrum like chewing cords, barking, jumping on guests, and knocking over my stuff.

I'll be "dog-proofing" my room tomorrow.

Yes, I know I haven't been accepted yet but the way I see it I'm going to have a dog eventually and I might as well be prepared right now.

Charmed!
Alexandria

Ready?

I think I might be ready.
"Ready for what?" you may wonder.
Ready for school. Ready for work. Ready for life.

I've done a lot of healing since I left Minnesota. I learned a lot; I grew. I've published books and have ghostwritten blogs and articles. I've taken walks on trails and throughout the community. I've visited coffee shops, watched the Northern Lights, and throughout it all made some really cool friends.

But now it's time to continue the growth.

I am going to college in the fall, provided my FAFSA gets done on time (waiting for info.) If it doesn't? Well, that's the other part of this. I'm looking for a job.

I've submitted three resumes by email, hand delivered an application (with my resume obviously), and am in the process of getting more applications and applying for more places. I'm a little scared about how this will all turn out. I'm about as scared of getting a job as I am of not getting one.

I haven't worked a traditional job since mid-2013.

I'm applying for part-time. I'm applying for full time. I'm applying mostly for jobs that don't involve people. But there are a few customer service oriented jobs in there including an office assistant job at the nearby college.

I'm also applying for scholarships.

While I might not get them, this is a very important step for me. I'm working towards bringing every aspect of my future into my own hands.

Am I still tempted to pack a backpack and bus to Colorado?

Absolutely. That will always be there. But I recognize that, right now, it would not be my best option. I need to get my BA and a little more work history before I can modern-day nomad. So until then, that's my plan. School. Job. Skills. Saving.

Currently I live with my fiance who lost his job about a month ago. We're trying to get by with our lack of a usable vehicle (no registration/insurance), our lack of income until one of us gets a job, and our lack of any idea what the future holds for us. We're both working to make this work. We're both healing.

I'm ready to handle what life throws my way. I'm just hoping one of the things it throws is a job or scholarship.

Stay Awesome,
Alexandria