Time

I had no nightmares today. This is Awesome because for the past couple nights I've had a lot of nightmares. I still remember the third one from two nights ago, still remember the feeling, but whatever.

This morning I had an amazing breakfast. I think I'm going to have it as the highlight of my day. It was just fried onions, potatoes, and eggs together but it was still really good.

I had a major disappointment today though.

 I was going to meet a new person at the library, and although I wasn't overly enthusiastic about it I still wanted to hang out with the person. That would've been fun, but unfortunately some things happened and we ended up deciding that we'd reschedule. Which wouldn't have bothered me except for the fact that I had already been sitting there for two hours and I could've just stayed home and gotten a lot more work done.

That was pretty much my day. Breakfast, some work, and waiting. I still have time, of course, but it's just going to include Night Vale, Ted Talks, and freelance work.

Blargh.

On the bright side, I'm planning on meeting someone cool tomorrow. We're meeting at Caribrew to chat and watch netflix and all that fun stuff. I'm mega excited. I like hanging out with people. 

Trying to stay upbeat,

Alex

The Dream and Today's Things

This was the second day in a row that I woke up nauseous from a dream. I only had one dream last night. It was a weird one. I was in this house that I don't know much about besides that it was about two stories which I only knew because I and my dream older sister shared a room on the second floor. I also know the stairs were old with dark colored wood. Like at the place my grandpa used to live, the stairs were similar, not the house.

In other rooms lived other peers and we all had to kill off one another. My dream sister and I weren't frightened. First, everyone worked together to kill off a couple people that made living at the house hell. And then we all split up. My dream sister and I were incredibly cunning and took everyone else out quickly and efficiently. Then we agreed we didn't have to kill each other but that when it was time to leave we were each on our own.

Dream sister created a mechanism that would blow up the house at 10:30am. Then two dream grandparents appeared. Not nice grandparents either. In fact, if it weren't for my dream self identifying them as grandparents I'd think they had no relation to myself and my dream sister at all.

So not only did we have to pack our stuff without them knowing, we had to sneak out too. We both ended up deciding we didn't need much of anything. Dream sister took a blanket and I took... Nothing. What's weird is that I had been able to leave absolutely everything behind. I'm a very sentimental person so... The dream ended after showing us we had to escape through lines of soldiers in mechanical suits, which was easier than one would think becauae we knew a lot of them. I don't know what happened afterwards.

Now on to more of real life.

I had a talk with my boyfriend that basically came down to, you guessed it, the fact that there was a misunderstanding. Once the miscommunication was cleared things went pretty well. I am now "rule-less" because being in a relationship with someone requires you trust them to not try to hurt you.

Yes, for you people that remember a couple nights ago, I am still a relationship anarchist. But it would be stupid to take away a pre-given title like that when it's obviously important to the other person. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with this awesome person.

HOWEVER. This means I don't plan on taking on any more title-filled relationships. I'll still care for others, love others, go on dates and kiss others. (Because I'm polyamorous as well.) But none of them will have a title because I don't discriminate someone's value to me based on the label they have.

So that is my post for tonight and I have a lot of work to do. XD

With love!
-Alexandria

The Post for 11/12

This is meant to be the post for the twelfth, because I didn't post anything earlier, and I know I will have much to post for the thirteenth as the day moves on.

I started my day in the worst fill of anxiety I've had in almost a month. Which is weird because the day before was by far one of the best I've had in awhile. I woke up from a nightmare, fell back asleep, woke up from another nightmare, fell back asleep and then repeated this once more. That's right, I had a total of three nightmares to haunt me.

The final wake-up was at 1pm. I stayed in my bed until 4:30, just mulling that last one over in my head.

All the nightmares were based on some sort of journey. I remember nothing else about the first one. The second one i remember only that and the me representation being about 9 years old. In the very last nightmare... I took a journey with some friends and something happened to me that I'm not going to disclose. But it made me wake up feeling gross and weird. Unhappy. That feeling stuck with me for most of the day as I attempted to figure some things out.

I eventually was able to get in some freelance work, watch 4 TED talks, see Fizzi36 livestream, and listen to another episode of Welcome to Night Vale.

Now I have an important meeting (maybe two?) tomorrow about important topics and more freelance work to do. Stay tuned to hear how those go.

Good night everybody!

-Alex

Attempted Stress Reduction?

I'm going to try a normal circadian rhythm, guys! Crazy, I know. This means I'll be going to sleep around midnight or one tonight, depending on my work.

Speaking of work, I have a couple fun things I'm doing. Obviously we have NaNoWriMo where I'm writing Emma's Story which is the "Prologue" to Emma's Journal on my deviantart.

I'm also editing a wonderful story for my friend from the UK. To do that I do a first read through just quick and in my head of each chapter. Then I go through the story, reading aloud in an English accent, trying to find the grammar/spelling/other mistakes/things that should be changed for better readability. I'm pretty good at editing and this is a fun way to do it. :)

Another fun project I'm doing for freelance is transcribing some videos for the awesome Risa Lynch. She seems pretty cool, both from a freelancer perspective and that of a youtube viewer. I mean, come on guys, she has a video for making homemade chocolate. That seems pretty awesome to me.

A final thingy I'm doing consistently is blog/forumn commenting. I basically get to look at a forumn with a bunch of musical posts and go to certain ones and add my own commentary. It's pretty awesome because I get to learn and teach with each post.

And because I'm lame and tired that's all that will be on my blog tonight.

Except for how some people that I watch livestreaming of/for have told me I should try livestreaming. I've downloaded OBS and now have to try and figure it out. Fun stuff, that is. I don't even have that much to stream, but hey, eventually I will. Right? I hope so.

Oh, and apparently if/when I visit the UK I have two possible places to crash for awhile. Which is a great thing to think about for my potential backpacking across Europe.

I love you all!
-Alexandria

A new start?

I hope, many years from now when I tell the story of these upcoming years, I can say "On the day I realized I'm a relationship anarchist my entire life changed for the better." Not to say that making that decision changed my life, but that after realizing something that will take effort to go against preconceived notions to live with will spark further epiphanies and changes.

So here I go. I identify as a polyamorous relationship anarchist. What does this mean? Well it means that I believe that I can love more than one person at one time, but it also means I don't feel a need to give them a label. I don't know if that means I should or shouldn't be dating people or in relationships with people. In fact, I'll have to go over this with Devohn to get his thoughts on what I should DO. (That opens a whole different bucket of worms ENTIRELY.) I'll obviously have to work on figuring things out as they come.

The next step in my process is to devote, TRULY DEVOTE my time and effort to writing. I know I said I'd work on my writing and crafting before but you all saw how my blog kind of died for a bit there again. Not anymore if I can help it. My blog is an essential part to my writing. If I can't trust myself to write a couple thoughts every day how am I to expect myself to write a novel? This also means COMPLETING NaNoWriMo AND putting my writing before my freelance. My freelancing has a habit of taking over my life.

I have a plan for my freelancing now. I make sure I make enough to cover bills every month. I work on each project AS IT COMES IN instead of giving myself the option of procrastinating. This should be simple for the most part but it requires a couple things to change.

The first thing that blocks my freelance success is over applying for jobs. Because one job seems to take forever to get back to me I should limit the amount of jobs I apply for to maybe 75% of what I normally do. This insures I can give the best quality to my client and deliver all projects on time.

To go with that, I should start working more on Mechanical Turks which is a site I'll give the link for a little later amongst my posts as I continue to make changes. It will allow me to feel like I'm "Doing Something" instead of just waiting for job peoples to get back to me.

The second thing that blocks my freelance success, and the hardest to deal with, is my bouts of anxiety. Say I'm told by a family member that I'm worthless. What does this do to me? This causes me to react terribly, I lay in bed for hours just shaking and breaking down and staring blankly. So I need to find a way to remedy this. I'll need to find an instant "pick me up." So far, fresh clean socks are hilariously helpful in boosting my mood. Especially when fresh out of the dryer. I'll need to brainstorm ideas further.

That's actually part of my life changing process, is to get and carry around some insta pick-me-ups to help me along.

That's all for now folks!
-Alexandria