Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Failure

My life and work is a failure.
I've never really been able to do anything great. Hell, I would've settled for mediocre. I can't finish a book, though I can start a million of them. I have all the ideas but none of the drive. I can't do the one year bike trip. I'm pretty resigned to that now. 

I stayed out really late one night. Just sitting on a bench outside in the cold. I just sat there for over an hour because it was too cold to bike home in my opinion. I knew it would warm up. And my parents were upset for some reason or another. I was really close to having an anxiety attack. So I just sat there. 

Eventually I went in to the SA right across the street. They were open. I sat in there for another couple hours. Had a good discussion with the night clerk. He was nice. 

All this time though, I couldn't help but wonder if this is how I'd handle the cold on the road. It's going to get even colder than this. Not as cold as it will be in Minnesota, but close. 

My life is a mess and I can't even escape.